So we lost our zeal for adoption.
Just before Christmas, Dan and I found ourselves at our favorite Thai food restaurant on an unexpected date together. As we were enjoying our food we started to discuss where we were in the adoption process. We both agreed that we had lost our zeal for adopting through the state. Neither of us had a heart for overseas adoptions either. His comment was, 'If we're going to spend a bunch of money on an adoption for one kid, why don't we just get a reversal instead.'
(I'm thinking I can't believe he is really saying this!)
We talked about it, and decided to pray about it some more.
Just around New Years the conclusion is...
Okay, now this didn't just come over night.
Like I said before, all along I have felt we are missing someone. Dan has done the same thing a few times too.
I realized that this is spiritual thing too.
(I might step on people's toes here. I don't mean to. I just want to share my own journey on this. It doesn't apply to anyone but me. What ever you might think of it is between you and God. This whole blog is my own experience and my feelings concerning it.)
Now that the disclaimer is out of the way I want to share what has been happening.
Wouldn't it be just like the enemy of our souls to try to discourage us, especially when we are on the brink of obeying God on a major issue in our life?
All these things started happening around us.
Late one night I parked in the wrong spot at my mom's apartment complex. I didn't have the right 'sticker' to park there. My other car had it but not the one I was using. (Dan's) A very frustrating $322 tow fee later that included taking a ride with 'Shawn' the tow truck driver into a very dark and scary tow yard to retrieve Dan's car and made me an hour late picking up my poor mom from the airport, was all very upsetting.
(panting heavily from saying all that in one sentence!)
I was feeling bad that Dan's hard earned money had to go to 'those really friendly business men'. (I could use another word to describe them but don't want to hurt any tow truck drivers feelings. I don't use bad words but I was thinking of a certain kind of bird that begins with a V.)
Then a couple days later Dan is called on the carpet at work for a safety technicality that could cost him his job.
After that I was cleaning up from the holidays and went through some papers and found a jury duty summons for Dan that he was suppose to serve the week BEFORE!
Great! Not only did he almost lose his job, I got his car towed and now I'm going to have the poor guy arrested because I forgot to tell him way back in November that he had jury duty the first week of the New Year!
You know, through all of this we put our trust in God alone.
(Not in employment, or money nor anything else.)
Jury duty...well, he'll just be served a summons again and he'll serve then.
The car...it could have been worse. It could have been stolen or wrecked. That equals paying for a new car plus recovering from possible injuries. Or I could have gotten a nasty ticket which includes increased insurance and a bad mark on your record.
It could have been a worse night.
His job...well, not only did he not get fired but was put on a committee to report examples of the new safety code from working in the field. The code was so vague that they needed people to understand with examples. Also, his forman was sure to say that if people had to be let go on the crew, Dan was to be absolute last to go.
He has work for the next few months plus found favor in the eyes of his superiors!
Our God is GOOD!
What ever might have been meant to discourage us turned out for our good.
It was a chance to rely even more on our Father in Heaven.
(Regardless of the outcome.)
He is in control.
That is how we are looking at this whole thing.
I would love more children in our life. They are a blessing and a heritage from the Lord.
Why would we cut God's blessings off?
Whether God allows anymore children or not,
I trust Him.
I just want to be obeying Him no matter what.
We sinned by not regarding God in our decision to have a vasectomy.
We want to undo the wrong by making it right.
Dan said he is going to get 'Fixed'.
(He was broken before.)
'Jesus does not hang desires in front of us without showing us how he wants us to get there. These words are water to a thirsty soul that wants true righteousness, but how do we get there? It comes by being submitted to God in the power of the resurrection.
You can't do it.
He will do it.'
We desire true righteousness through submission and humble obedience to our God and Savior, for His glory!